Triple-Amputee Barbie

So the dog likes Barbie dolls. I can't even bring myself to discuss Ken's fate. Let's just say it wasn't pretty.

This dog stuff is all new to me since I haven't had one for years. My previous dog, Zoie the Akita, was much too dignified to chew anything up. She couldn't be bothered to play with toys- in fact if you threw a ball for her she would simply walk away. Her main concern was finding a sunny spot for napping or worst case scenario, maybe a sandwich to steal.

The dog thing is new enough that the other night I let the dog out in the freezing cold and then promptly forgot I even had a dog. About an hour later I heard some scratching at the back door and still didn't know it was the dog until he stood up at the door, looked me in the eye and begged to come inside.

Marin likes to lead Chase around by his collar and he is usually happy to go with her. Sometimes he's had enough and will try to escape. That's when she likes to close the door to her room and trap Chase, which makes him bark and whine. Which in turn makes Marin cry and yell "He's whistling!" She did that the other day and Chase was desperate to get out, yet again "whistling" and barking.

Me- "You have to let that dog out of your room."
Marin- "But I don't like him out here cuz he isn't coperating!"

Since getting Chase, I now have another list of ridiculous things that I have to tell people not to do. It used to be just the normal stuff like "I told you to stop climbing on the walls!" Now it's really conversations that I never imagined I would be having.

Marin, screaming- "Mommy! Chase ate my fry! Make him spit it out!" Then I have to explain why it's too late for that and why she really wouldn't want to eat it even if I did retrieve it.

Me- "Don't let him eat out of your bowl! He licks his butt!"

Marin responds happily- "He licks me, too!"

Other things have included the following:

Me- "Who left gum out? The dog is now chewing gum!" and my personal favorite "Did you put spaghetti on that dog?"

One of My Favorite Dogs

There once was a dog named Abby Rae,

Whose tongue stuck out halfway,

It wasn't meant to be rude

Or express a bad mood,

It just happened to be that way all day.

My friend Andrea's dog, Abby (also known as Abby Rae) died over the summer. She was fairly young for a small dog- just nine. She had suffered some health issues such as kidney failure, etc. Like many tiny dogs she also had some dental issues that led to multiple tooth extractions, hence the limerick above.

Andrea took very good care of Abby, even giving her daily sub-cutaneous fluids and feeding her baby food. Abby was a good sport and was still a happy little dog but finally took a turn for the worse. Andrea took her to the vet to be put to sleep and then we buried her in my backyard.

Which brings me to the funny part of the story..... I called my mom and told her about Abby and she reminded me of what had happened to one of her co-workers years ago. My mom's friend, Sandy, took their dog to the vet's to be put to sleep. He had been sick and the vet had recommended that it was time.

I can't remember the dog's name but for the sake of this conversation let's just call him Rex. Anyway, the whole family is there saying their goodbyes to Rex. The vet gives the dog the shot and Rex is gone. They leave Rex there to be disposed of by the office staff. Then Sandy and her grieving family head back home only to discover Rex waiting on the front porch. He had beat them home.

It turned out that the vet's office had just tossed Rex out in the back to be picked up by the rendering truck. Rex must not have had the right dosage since he woke up and immediately headed for home. Sandy didn't have the heart to take him back and Rex lived out his days with his family.

Spring, Cops and Dogs

Spring is finally here. It's a relief for everyone to finally have a break from the cold and to have the flowers blooming. It's also a relief to have the girls able to play outside.

They were trying to be creative with indoor activities but honestly, they were just running out of things to do. The day they were giving the baby rides in a cakepan was the day I realized these kids REALLY needed to get out more.



























Dave helped me replace the battery in their little car (by 'helped', I mean he did it) and now they are spending a lot of time playing and driving in the yard. The only problem is that the neighbor's dogs have been escaping from their yard and getting into mine. One of the dogs is a nasty little Dachsund that hates kids. The girls are normally afraid to even get close to the back fence because he is so aggressive. They used to have another equally aggressive Boxer but thankfully that one died. It was replaced by another Boxer but he is young and just acts like a big, dumb puppy.


So these dogs have been loose in my yard approximately ten times in the last few weeks and it is getting old. The neighbors are aware it is a problem but still persist in putting the dogs out. I have started calling the police hoping that they might eventually get a ticket.

The first time I called, the officer told me that he would talk to them about fixing the fence. I was fine with that because that was all I wanted. I explained that I did not want the dogs to scare my kids in their own yard. The end result was nothing. The dogs were constantly running through my yard. I called again and once again, nothing. Then a couple of weeks ago I was out in the yard when the dogs got loose again. I had the baby and the girls were driving around when the dogs began chasing them. They were both screaming and crying hysterically. I called the police again. This time I was angry because I knew it was going to happen and no one would do anything about it.

When the cop finally came over, I walked back to the back fence with him to show him the problem dogs. The Dachsund immediately came under the fence with the Boxer right behind him. The cop shooed them back over to their own side as I was telling him about how the Dachsund was mean but the Boxer was just a big puppy so he wasn't the one that really concerned me. The cop walked closer to the fence to pet the ecstatic Boxer and said, "He's just a great big bundle of love, yes he is, yes he is."








My hopes of a dog-free back yard have just about gone. So just don't be surprised to hear that the girls are driving their little car around the living room with the baby being towed in a cake pan. It could happen.

Cats and Dogs

I live in a neighborhood that is filled with cats. Some are pets but plenty are feral cats that are fed by a local cat lover. Most of the time the cats don’t present much of a problem, other than paw prints on cars.

My friend and neighbor, Jamie, recently had some problems with a stray cat. According to her, this wasn’t a regular stray but more like a demon cat. It was a big, mangy black cat that persisted in hanging out on her porch despite the fact that she kept chasing it off. One day, Jamie looked out the window of her front door and saw the devil cat on her porch yet again. She noticed that the cat had something in it’s mouth and thought that it had a kitten. Immediately her thoughts about the cat changed and in her mind it was now ok, because it was a mom cat carrying her little baby kitten. Then she realized with shock and disgust that it was not a whole kitten but just the head of a kitten. She screamed at the cat and it ran off leaving behind the head.

She was extremely upset and wanted the head gone before her kids were traumatized so she called the police to come remove the head. They misunderstood and thought that she wanted animal control to come get a stray cat but finally managed to convey that it was just part of a cat. Since this is a small town, the police arrived quickly and removed the head from her front porch.

A few days ago I met the biggest dog I have ever seen in my entire life. This dog is a 170 pound English Mastiff. I had heard about the dog and was a bit afraid of bumping into him despite the fact that the owner said he was just a big baby. When I did encounter the dog, I was shocked to find that is was indeed an accurate description. He wagged his tail as he walked up to me and put his head against me wanting to be petted. Shortly thereafter, a woman and a little boy walked by the glass doors. The woman’s mouth dropped open when she saw the size of the beast inside. The little boy paused as well upon seeing the dog. As soon as the dog saw the boy, he went to his basket of toys and took out a ball, then running to the door to show the boy. It was so obvious that he just wanted to play.

It was really very sweet. I was telling Jamie about the dog and the boy and it brought back some of her memories.
She said,”Hey, it’s kind of like that cat, bringing me other cat’s heads.”