Monday, February 15, 2010

Stomach Flu, cont.

The stomach flu is officially over in my house. I got it, too. Here is the sequence of events. Claire got it Sunday, Marin Monday afternoon, and Katie Monday evening. By Wednesday evening I thought I had dodged the bullet. I was especially vigilant when Claire got sick and washed my hands repeatedly. By the time Marin and Katie started throwing up, I still tried to be careful but my surgical scrub was no longer practical and was replaced with the occasional wiping my hands on my pants and calling it good. Mistake.

By Wednesday night I was really sick. I got everyone ready for bed as quickly as possible and climbed into bed. Marin was in her crib right across the hall from my room, talking. Marin tries to say “puke” but says “peek” instead.

Marin- “You peeking, Mommy?”

Me- “Yes.”

Marin- “I peek all day.”

Marin then proceeded to take all of her clothes off. I was too sick to help her but Claire was a good helper and dressed her baby sister for me. The fun continued for hours.

The next day I was still tired and was looking forward to sleeping through the night. Instead, my phone started ringing at 5 AM. I looked and saw that it was William. I decided I should answer since anyone calling at 5 in the morning better have a really good reason. I was able to ascertain that he was at work and had the stomach flu. I don’t remember much of the conversation. Then my phone rang again around 6 AM and it was William again. He thought he needed to go to the hospital.

I arranged for someone to pick William up from work and then my phone rang again. I saw that it was N calling and thought he must be calling to tell me that William was sick.

Me- “Hello?”

N- “Mmmmommmm?”

Me- “You have got to be kidding me.”

N- “Can you come over? I think I need to go to the hospital.”

I had Andrea retrieve N and soon I had a living room full of sick people again. They have all recovered now and no one actually needed to go to the hospital. The end.

Now for something amusing. If you haven’t visited “Texts From Last Night” you need to. It is funny, funny stuff. Here are a few of my favorites:

Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications

We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game

I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.

I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.

When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its
way too big for it to be a good thing

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup

He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.


Julia said...

Laughing with tears streaming down my face. Stomach in stitches. I was dying of hysterics.

Lisa said...

Julia- I know! I was laughing out loud and Claire kept asking what was so funny. I couldn't exactly tell her...

Summeranne said...

I LOVE texts from last night! My sister and I spend hours on the phone laughing and reading them to each other!

So glad you and the family are feeling better, and that no one had to go to the hospital!

Bulldog said...

That's it. I am NOT going to read your blog until everyone is well. I am convinced I can catch whatever you have just by double-clicking your link.

(soto voce) I hope you're all better soon. Really.