Wednesday, December 19, 2007

But She Talks Like an Eighty Year-Old Woman

Claire had to see her pediatrician today. She has a terrible cough and began wheezing as well. She had a rough night and ended up staying awake until close to 3 in the morning. She finally fell asleep in bed next to me. I awakened this morning and saw her looking back at me. I asked her how she was feeling and she said, “Better.” As soon as her mouth opened I was assaulted with a horrid stench. I assure you that this is NOT even a slight exaggeration. If I had not been horizontal already, surely I would have been knocked over in response to the toxic fumes spewing forth from my little six year-old’s mouth. It was more the type of morning breath that you would associate with an old fat man that didn’t have an appreciation for dental floss. And had just sobered up after a three-day drunk. I was so tired that all I could muster was, “You have GOT to roll over.” Unfortunately she felt compelled to say, “Ok, Mommy” prior to rolling and almost caused me to fall off the bed.

I rolled over myself to pick up the phone and schedule her to see the doctor.

She was diagnosed with a sinus infection and put on antibiotics. I think her pediatrician could have figured that one out from a much safer distance, but instead she got within a few inches of Claire and told her to 'open wide'. I was just sitting there, torn between warning her and wanting to laugh. Instead I settled on sitting there silently. To her merit, she managed to stay steady on her stool. Maybe secretly wondering if I fed her a steady diet composed mainly of Taco Bell and garlic bread, topped off with a jug of Night Train. Because a first-grader should not smell like that.

Following the doctor’s visit, we stopped at the store to get some sick kid food (Popsicles, ginger ale, etc.) Claire didn’t eat much before and was positively starving at this point. She kept asking for stuff as we made our way through the aisles. By the time we entered the cracker area, the cart was already more than half-full. Claire spotted a box of crackers that she really wanted and proceeded to beg.

Claire- “Oh, Mommy! Can we get those crackers?”
Me- “Claire, you already picked out a bunch of stuff.”
Claire- “But they’re new! We had them at school and they are just delightful!”
Me- “Delightful? You said they’re delightful?” It was so funny to hear her say “delightful” as a descriptive term for crackers that they ended up in the cart, next to the Popsicles, ginger ale, etc.

When we got home the crackers were temporarily forgotten in favor of the Popsicles. I saw Claire right after she finished one.

Me- “So, how was the Popsicle?
Claire- “Delightful. Just delightful.”

Never one to be left out, Katie then walked in to the room carrying her empty stick saying, “Mine was delightful, too.”


Sandy C. said...

That is too cute..So sorry to hear she's sick. I hope she feels better soon. I nearly fell out of my chair when you described her breath...I can sooooo daughter had the same thing recently ;)

Sara said...

Oh dear God...that's too funny.

Janie said...

This is delightful!

Spook, RN said...

LOL! Too funny.

Reminded me of my 3 year old niece and her attempts at saying "flag". For some reason, she never pronounced the "l" - very embarrassing in public I tell you!