The Monkey Suit

We had a nice Christmas this year. I got a great gift from C that I really love. I finally have an iPod. I think I might have been the last person on the planet to get one except for maybe people in third world countries. And even they might have some sort of Korean knock-off. But back to my new iPod, which is all I really care to discuss at the moment, I can’t even believe all the cool stuff that it can do. I can listen to music, play games, check my email, watch movies, etc. I really have no reason to interact with people anymore. I can’t wait for our next long car trip where I will speak to no one. It’s going to be great.

My mom gave me some new pajamas this year. Last year she gave me pink flannel pajamas with sock monkeys printed all over. I like them but my friend Andrea claims that sock monkeys are just creepy. The new pajamas this year also have sock monkeys. It’s a blanket sleeper with sock monkey feet. I wore the new pajamas Christmas night, along with the girls in their new monkey jammies from grandma. I felt like an overgrown toddler. I can almost imagine a table of employees at the Nick and Nora pajama company discussing whether adult blanket sleepers could be the surprise hit of the year.

Executive 1 to marketing person- “But what is our target demographic here?”

Marketing person- “Uh, people that want to stay warm? People that like squirrels and birds embroidered on sweatshirts maybe?”

Executive 1- “I’m not sure we have enough of them to justify this product line.”

Marketing person- “I know! Adult women that live alone with cats and therefore it doesn’t matter what they look like anyway!”

Executive 1- “That’s it! Call Target. We’re doing both red and blue.”

The good thing about the sock monkey pajamas is that it has pockets. One for my cell phone and the other for my binky, I guess. The was something that I had completely forgotten about blanket sleepers, since I hadn’t worn them since I was four. All I have to do is walk a few feet and I generate enough static electricity to power both my new iPod and possibly the dishwasher.

Overheard in My House Today

Claire- “Santa forgot to bring me a bell and left me a hamster instead.”

I Just Need to Get Some Balls

This year the girls decorated the Christmas tree with very little help. My job was to retrieve the box of ornaments and lights from the basement. I have never been a big fan of the ball decorations because they seem a little generic and impersonal to me. However, delicate collectors ornaments are a bad idea with little kids. I carefully unpacked the ornaments from their original boxes and then proceeded to pass them to the kids so that they could break, I mean, hang them.


All the ornaments were put on the tree, then removed, examined, played with and finally re-hung. Again and again. Within a short period of time, several ornaments were in need of Super-Glue despite the fact that they had no trouble withstanding the strain of hanging on the tree for the previous ten-plus years. Katie kept bringing me pieces saying, “I found this and I don’t know what it’s for.”

Seeing the tree up has really worked them up into quite a frenzy. Clair and Kate have been updating their lists frequently. They have even written out a list for their baby sister. Apparently she wants diapers and baby wipes.

Claire likes to quiz me regarding the contents of her list to make sure that I have been paying attention.

The conversation goes like this-
Claire- “Mommy, do you know what I want for Christmas?”
Me- “Yes.”
Claire- “Ok, then tell me what I want.”
Me- “You want brown boots, a snow globe and a bell from Santa’s sleigh. Right?”
Claire- “Right, but do you know what else I want?”

Then I have to spout off the most recent addition to the list to PROVE MY LOVE FOR HER- “A talking bird!”
Then she smiles and we can get back to the business at hand (pardon the pun) of showing Katie how many days until Christmas by counting on our fingers.

Claire has also decided to put out the treats for Santa and his reindeer, even though it’s a little early. Her sixteen year-old brother walked in and was surprised to find the treats on the table.

William- “Hey, Mom, Claire left stuff out for Santa.”
Me- “Yes, I know.”
William- “But aren’t the carrots going to go bad or something?”
Me- “What? And give food poisoning to the imaginary reindeer?”

Nothing Says Christmas Quite Like a Stocking Full of Moldy Broccoli

There has been a lot of talk at my house about the upcoming holiday. Claire and Katie, like most kids, are very excited about Christmas. Everyday there is discussion about what Santa might bring them, what they are going to put out for Santa and his reindeer, and just how many days are left before Christmas. The ‘how many days’ discussion always sparks the ‘count them with your fingers’ discussion with Katie. Usually several times a day.

I try to use the excitement to my advantage whenever possible. By that I mean behavior modification, of course. It’s just that little extra leverage that you get this time of year that can help make up for the non-stop work of shopping, baking, and wrapping that parents (usually moms) have to do for the holidays. If I can play the ‘Santa card’ to get them to pick up their toys or stop fighting, why not? I never go as far as to say that they will get the lump of coal that my parents threatened, just kind of plant the seed that it might not be quite as lucrative.

I was talking to Claire and explaining yet again, that now is the time of year that Santa Claus is really paying close attention. Since he is watching so closely, it is really important to be good and not pull your sister’s hair.

Clair turned around to address her little sister and said, “Yeah, Katie, you better be good. Otherwise Santa just gives you a rock or some mold.”

I was a bit surprised by her remark and asked, “What kind of mold, Claire?”
Claire replied, “Oh, broccoli or carrots or salad or something.”





Me- “So, Katie, what do you really want the most for Christmas this year?”
Katie- “What do YOU want me to have?”
Me- “I don’t know. I just wondered what you were going to tell Santa.”
Katie’s dad questions her next- “Have you been good this year?”
Katie- “Hey! Stop it!”