Friday, December 03, 2010

Triple-Amputee Barbie

So the dog likes Barbie dolls. I can't even bring myself to discuss Ken's fate. Let's just say it wasn't pretty.

This dog stuff is all new to me since I haven't had one for years. My previous dog, Zoie the Akita, was much too dignified to chew anything up. She couldn't be bothered to play with toys- in fact if you threw a ball for her she would simply walk away. Her main concern was finding a sunny spot for napping or worst case scenario, maybe a sandwich to steal.

The dog thing is new enough that the other night I let the dog out in the freezing cold and then promptly forgot I even had a dog. About an hour later I heard some scratching at the back door and still didn't know it was the dog until he stood up at the door, looked me in the eye and begged to come inside.

Marin likes to lead Chase around by his collar and he is usually happy to go with her. Sometimes he's had enough and will try to escape. That's when she likes to close the door to her room and trap Chase, which makes him bark and whine. Which in turn makes Marin cry and yell "He's whistling!" She did that the other day and Chase was desperate to get out, yet again "whistling" and barking.

Me- "You have to let that dog out of your room."
Marin- "But I don't like him out here cuz he isn't coperating!"

Since getting Chase, I now have another list of ridiculous things that I have to tell people not to do. It used to be just the normal stuff like "I told you to stop climbing on the walls!" Now it's really conversations that I never imagined I would be having.

Marin, screaming- "Mommy! Chase ate my fry! Make him spit it out!" Then I have to explain why it's too late for that and why she really wouldn't want to eat it even if I did retrieve it.

Me- "Don't let him eat out of your bowl! He licks his butt!"

Marin responds happily- "He licks me, too!"

Other things have included the following:

Me- "Who left gum out? The dog is now chewing gum!" and my personal favorite "Did you put spaghetti on that dog?"


Trooper Thorn said...

Just tell people Barbi had an especially virulent case of necrotizing fasciatus that required agressive treatment.

J. said...

Eden Kennedy's Yogabeans blog features action figures in yoga poses, among other things, many of whom have been "modified" by her bulldog. It's pretty funny shit.

Lisa said...

Thanks J! I'm looking it up.