A few says ago I went over to my friend Andrea’s house. It was pretty cold that night so I ran for the door leaving Andrea to fend for herself. She told me to go in ahead of her so I did. I saw her friend/boyfriend/roommate/whatever, John, sitting on the couch and animals everywhere.
There main animal population is currently one cat and three dogs. Old dogs. Old dogs that go to the vet a lot and take regular medications. Andrea literally has IV fluids in her living room for her dog. Another one is deaf and has joint issues. The third one is so short and fat that she looks like a mobile foot stool. Well, a really hairy foot stool.
After greeting at least two out of the three (it might have been all three but a couple of them look a like, so who knows?) we walked past the menagerie in the living room so that Andrea could show me the birds John had given her. Because, clearly, she needed five more pets.
Andrea’s cat followed, hoping to eat Andrea’s new friends. He hurled himself at the cage.
Andrea- “He really likes the birds.”
Me- “So I see. Good lord, his testicles are even bigger and more disgusting that the last time I was here.”
Andrea- “I know. I need to get him neutered.”
On the drive back to my house Andrea brought up John.
Andrea- “That was pretty funny how you startled John when you walked in. You were lucky he didn’t have a gun.
Me- “Well, I guess that would be startling to have someone just walk in.”
Andrea- “Yeah. You were really lucky he wasn’t sitting there in his underwear.”
Me- “Yeah. It was disgusting enough to have to see your cat’s testicles.”