Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Shouldn't Every Vacation Include a Stop at the Hospital for the Criminally Insane?

We’re back. We spent so much time in the car that I actually felt like my muscles were becoming atrophied. I was starting to feel like veal. Veal with access to Chex Mix. It was definitely time to be done with the road trip. We were all pretty sick of each other.

The last night of the trip, C and I were having a difference of opinion on where to stay. There were storms moving in and we were in a nasty industrial sort of town. It is basically a shit-hole that has survived because of a beef packing plant.

C spotted a decent chain motel and pulled into the parking lot.

C- “It’s a Best Western. That should be ok.”
Me- “Uh, it has exterior doors to the rooms.”
Me- “It has exterior doors and it has a beef packing plant across the street. Not to mention the trailer park next door.”

C was irritated that I was so picky about little things like Mexican gang graffiti on the walls. We got back on the highway and drove an hour to a more acceptable and better smelling town. The girls were just happy that the next hotel had a swimming pool.

The last day of travel wasn’t terrible. We did some touristy type things that the kids enjoyed and then got back on the road to head for home. I noticed signs for an upcoming town that is the home for the state hospital for the criminally insane. I wanted to drive by and see what it looked like. C pointed out a sign warning motorists to not pick up hitchhikers.

Katie- “What’s a hitchhiker?”

Me- “That is someone that doesn’t have a car and needs a ride.”

Katie- “Well, shouldn’t we give them a ride then?”

Me- “No. We are right by a hospital for dangerous people. The criminally insane. Do you think we should pick up a dangerous crazy person?”

Katie- “Sure.”

Me- “Well sometimes you guys act crazy when you fight. Maybe we should just drop you off.”

A little bit later we stopped at a gas station so the girls could use the restroom. Katie was acting up and threatening to open the door while Claire had her pants down. Claire was acting goofy due to cough medicine with a narcotic and cracking up laughing while trying to get her pants up. After we finally managed to exit the bathroom I stopped at the counter to ask directions to the state hospital. I had forgotten our earlier joke on the way. As we walked out Katie turned to me with a nervous look and said, “You’re not really taking us there, are you?”

The other high point of the day was seeing an armadillo on the side of the road. It was a dead armadillo but still… Not something you see everyday.


Stacie said...

Your girls crack me the f*ck up, seriously.

That didn't sound like much of a vacation. Sounds like you may need a vacation from your vacation. Glad you made it home safe and sound!

Welcome Back :)

Bulldog said...

I've been on vacation and reading about your vacation. Except, all I really need to do is sit by the pool and read. Besides, I've already seen the world's largest ball of twine. :o}

You had a good time, though, didn't you. Come on, fess up.

Farmers Wife said...

I am so hearing you about this roadtrip. Our family lives 2.5 days away by car, and the last time we went our kids were 2, 4 and 6, all crammed into the back seat, fighting over which friggin Wiggles dvd to put on next. Or was it Barbie, I've pushed it all to the back of my mind. I can totally relate....

DebA said...

Had to laugh it was just too real. I look forward to a stay on the unit someday! Now that is a vacation.